So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Saturday, May 27, 2006

The Last Thing I Thought I Would Ever Say...

This is something I have needed to do for a long time, but I ask that all my female friends abstain from reading this post. Please don't take that as some sort of temptation, but only a warning that some things cannot be unread and unheard. This is a post exclusively for the guys in my circle of friends:

Well, I sit here sick as a dog, writing a post when I should be in bed. I've got a migraine that feels like a litre of hot coffee is sloshing around in my skull and I'm alternating between the shivers and the sweats. Funny thing is, I cannot go to bed before doing this. Some things are more important than whining and pitying oneself. God won't stand for runny noses that become excuses for disobedience.

Besides, this sickness is from the Lord. I'm not talking about health and wealth though; I'm talking about the obvious discpline from the Lord. I'm not a prophet and I'm not a doctor either, but everything comes from the hand of God and everything has a purpose, and some things are too obvious to ignore. I think I'm going to jump all over here, as there are a million thoughts racing in my head too. (sorry)

Now you're thinking "What's Armchair up to? Is he going to start whining about something in church or confess pride or something?" And, the answer is yes, though pride is not the sin I'm confessing right now.

My sin is the one that destroyed David and Solomon and Sampson and so many other men of God over history; sexual impurity. Now I've not been sleeping around with my harem, nor have I been killing husbands and taking their wives, but that should not be taken as any sort of 'softpeddling' of things. Since the first week of March in 1998, I've been struggling with lust and masturbation, and every failing in my life has been God's hand of discipline (and sometimes judgement) attempting to cleanse me of it. I lost my place at Joe's Place because God was trying to drive lust from my heart. I lost many friends that I value, and I destroyed many relationships. What's worse, I've clouded up my prayer life and tred Christ under foot for so long. I won't softpeddle things now; everytime I masturbated, I nailed Christ to the cross. So, now it's time to draw lines in the sand and uncover my secret sin in a public forum.

(If you're a woman and you're already dishonored my requests thus far, I guess I only pray that your hatred of me somehow recovers; I know how sick godly women get regarding guys who watch internet porn and succumb to lust.)

Proverbs 28:13 says: "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

Psalm 32:1-5 says: "Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah."

I know these are true, but I have not really believed them for so long...I say that evidenced by my attempts to cover things up. My behaviour betrays me and reveals that I'm a liar.

Many years ago, I was driving back from Moose Jaw with a godly friend, and he looked over at me and confessed that he had masturbated the night before...out of the blue. Talk about a conversation taking a turn for the awkward! After a few minutes of his talking, he asked me to pray for him and told me that he HAD to tell me. He said something along the lines of "If I cannot confess my sin to you, my friend, how will I ever honestly confess my sin to God, my judge? God's really the person who matters; what you ultimately think of me is of no consequence."

It's taken me a few years to see the wisdom of such, but now I HAVE to tell you. I have tried to kill sin in my heart with every resource at my disposal, but for so long I have neglected one resource: godly brothers in my life. I have been in such dire need of your prayers but I've been so scared to ask for them. Now God's finally slapped me hard enough that I cannot rest until I do.

James 5:16 says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

I'm doing this because hidden sin cannot remain in the camp.

I'm doing this because I actually want to serve Christ with a clear conscience

I'm doing this because I actually do want to love the Lord and it makes me filled with sorrow to think of how I've disappointed him so terribly much.

I'm doing this beacuse I don't ever want to have to confess this to my bride if I'm ever married.

I'm doing this because I'm heading to Seminary in 2 months and cannot do so with this burden on my shoulder.

I'm doing this because I have already been disqualified from one ministry and I don't ever want to endure that again.

I'm doing this because I've often wondered what people would say at my funeral if they actually knew how double natured I truly have been.

Finally, I'm doing this because when I think about it, the only thing I'm really afraid of is those blistering, blinding, righteous eyes peering clear through me when the books are open, and finding that I've finally been found out when it's far too late.

Anyway, I don't need to ramble on and on.

Here's what I do need though:

1. Prayers from all that know me. Pray that I would put to death the misdeeds of the body (Romans 8:13). Pray that if my right eye causes me to sin, I'd gouge it out and throw it away (Matthew 5:16). Pray that I would not let sin reign in my mortal body so that I obey its evil desires (Romans 6:12). Pray that I would beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize (1 Corinthians 9:27). Pray that I would get rid of ungodly habits/practices and replace them with godly habits/practices. Pray that I would have the strength to make a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl (Job 31:1).

Please don't try to empathize with me. Please don't give me advice. (If anyone has ever known what should be done to deal with sin, it's me. I've written books on the topic.) Please don't offer to be accountablility partners or anything. Those people are already in my life...they just need to finally be utilized.

Just commit me to your prayers dudes. I'll definitely do the same for you, if you ask it.

Oh, and I guess the anonymity of my blog doesn't assist this either. No sense confessing sins if I'm some nameless face, eh? Well, seeing that most people already know that it's me who writes this, there's not a lot of harm done. Either way, the Armchair Theologian is Lyndon Unger. I live in Saskatoon and attend Forrest Grove Community Church. Now you all have no excuses. SOS. Until Next Time,



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