So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Friday, June 02, 2006

More late night rantings...

Last night I was lying awake, unable to sleep, seeing that I was sweating like an Amish boy in a Casino. The sickness...I mean plague...still hasn't left me. SO? What was the Armchair Theologian doing?

Well, I will admit that I tried praying for people for a while. I honestly did. I don't know how long I lasted though seeing that I couldn't see the clock, but I think I made it through work, church, school, family and many friends by the time I started to completely lost focus. I'm guessing that's like 20 minutes or so. I kinda kept fighting the unholy trinity of insomnia, low attention span and 500 mg's of ultra strength Tylenol, but after a while I kinda gave up and said "amen".

Yeah...I'm a horrible person. I'm sure every death in Saskatoon was directly my fault today.

Anyway, so guess where my crazy mind went next?

I started thinking about oil spills.

I don't have a clue why, but I started thinking about oil spills. And oiled sea-birds. And wondering "there must be thousands of oiled sea-birds every year that are saved. I wonder where all the washed off oil goes? I mean, I always see videos of hippies washing off ducks that are covered in oil. And I'm no expert on ducks, but I'm just guessing that an average sized duck can absorb somewhere around 16 ounces of oil? That's like half a litre of oil! (Next time I'm at the zoo, I'll take along some Castrol and confirm that)

Now think of that number, times around 10,000 birds? I'm sure Greenpeace saves 10 times that many birds, based on their silly films. So 1,000,000? Okay. Now there's 500,000 litres of oil on said oiled-birds. And there's 160 litres (42 gallons) of oil in a 'barrel' of oil (used to work in the oil patch...random fact moment), and oil is currently somewhere around $72/barrel (x 3,125 barrels?).

That means that Greenpeace is making around $225,000 per year of the backs of freaking DUCKS! I've heard of employers making money of the backs of immigrants and children, but ducks can't stand up for themselves! I'm freaking telling on Greenpeace...I'm ratting them out to PETA! Let's put both those organizations in storage room at Smith & Wesson and let them 'negotiate' with each other!"

(That's all one long quote of what I was thinking) At that point I realized I'm almost as nuts as Captain Insano, my other roomie. He would be proud, but I needed performance enhancing drugs and several days of broken up sleep. Anyway, something funny for y'all. Until Next Time,

Greenpeace is non-profit? WHAT EVER! (The Armchair Theologian)


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