So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

A Re-post of the Backstreet Boys post...

Well, I posted this over at TheoAmigos, but I'm puttin it here too, simply becasue it entertains me so much! I was talking with Dusto tonight and we were laughing at how silly this idea was, and yet how blatantly obvious. Anyway, here's some thoughts for you all:


So you're thinking of going on summer missions with...

...The Backstreet Boys?


Apparently at least one of them is a serious, hard-core Christian who even has his own ministry...which is called "The Backstreet Boys". Yup. That pop boy-band is officially a Christian ministry...or so Kevin Litrell says:

This is awesome...Kevin Litrell giving his "testimony" on the Hour of Power.

After being in the US for almost a year, I've learned that only a Southern Baptist can look back on a decade plus career with a group like the Backstreet Boys and refer to it as "a ministry". Oh man! (Why is it that every "Christian" celebrity (Media celeb, not celebrity reformed pastor) has weaksauce theology and is somewhere on the spectrum between "fruity" and "psycho"?)

So, let's analyse the "ministry" of the Backstreet Boys and discover...


...No, I cannot do this. Their lyrics are so absolutely stupid, and I mean, consider this one song "Last Night You Saved My Life" from the album Never Gone:

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Its 3 am, I can't sleep
Too late to call this is not like me
But I'm still lifted from the tattoo on the small of your back
The angle of your chin when you were looking back

See, god you're beautiful and I'm still coming down
I'd like a one-night stand, that had to stick around
But I'm still floating on the perfume you left on my sheets
I haven't changed a thing since your goodbye to me

Tonight I stare out the window
Knowing I'll never again be alone

Last night you changed my life
And I was stuck in the moment that you kissed me the first time
Last night you saved my life with your love
Saved my life
Last night you saved my life

Your fingernails running down my spine
All day I hear your voice like velvet in my mind
It's like I knew you all my life even though we just met
My children in your eyes, something you don't expect

I had to stop myself from calling all day long
I'm glad you called me first, I wanted to be strong
But you were laughing because I answered after just one ring
I tried to play it off
But you knew everything

Last night you changed my life
And I was stuck in the moment that you kissed me the first time
Last night you saved my life with your love
Saved my life (saved my life)
Last night you saved my life with your love

Last night you saved my life (saved my life)
Last night you saved my life

Ohh yeah

I stare at the sky looking for the morning sun
Can't wait to tell you you're the only one
Last night you saved my life

And I was stuck in the moment you kissed me the first time
Last night you saved my life with your love
Saved my life (saved my life)
Last night you changed my life

I mean, COME ON! Backstreet is "a ministry"? Let's take a quick look at this song:

1. "god" (not "God") IS mentioned in the song, but not in any sort of worshipping sense.

2. He received salvation from having a one night stand? Excuse me? Not even Scientology has theology THIS bad!

3. She left perfume on his sheets? HELLO?

Doesn't the adulteress in Proverbs 7 say:

I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.

I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon. - Proverbs 7:16-17

I was going to go on and on with this, but I noticed a whole bunch of parallels with that song and Proverbs 6+7. Essentially, the Backstreet Boys are The Fool from the book of Proverbs. That's them. They're that fool! They're singing songs about basking in their own lusts with a seductress ("tatoo on the small of your back"? Hello? Isn't that called the "tramp stamp"?) and relishing in it with tight-knit harmonies.

I used to laugh at the Backstreet Boys and think they were dumb. Now I'm calling them, and every other boy band "The Fool". (Though I also like "Ev'il Campanile" [pronounced "eveel campaneel"] which is a combination of a Hebrew and Italian word [and the Italian word is mispronounced, I know!] that combine to mean "Fool's Belltower")

Here's their song:

"Let all who are simple come in here! Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" (Proverbs 9:16-17)

Proverbs also talks about where all the boy bands end up when they have one night stands with stamped tramps:

But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave. " (Proverbs 9:18)

So I'll no longer refer to the Backstreet Boys not as "a bunch of fools" but as "THE fool". ("Man, those guys are the fool!" That should get conversations going! HA!)

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Theologian


Blogger Lee Shelton said...

Oh, don't be so hard on the BS Boys. Think of all the people (who wouldn't be caught dead in trespasses and sin at a Christian concert) who are being reached through this ministry. Now, they may not be reaching as many people as Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, but still...

8:48 PM

Blogger Jonathan Samuel said...

y do ya say that these guys are fool...My only question to you..Have you been able to reach as much as people as backstreet boys have done...As it says..1st take out the stick from your eyes n then from your brothers...think positively n not negative...

2:13 AM

Blogger The Armchair Theologian said...

(The following post is slightly sarcastic, just in case one is confused)

"Have you been able to reach as much as people as backstreet boys have done?"

Reached? Uh, for what? The GOSPEL? The only thing the Backstreet Boys have reached is the lustful hearts of underage girls.

I don't know if you realize this, but "reaching out" and causing young girls to cry because of your washboard abs (and that you're "SOOOO Hot!") is not the same as confronting people with their sinful hearts, explaining the person and work of Christ and calling them to repentance.

And are you suggesting that I have a plank in my eye because I dared to judge the fact that the Backstreet Boys sing songs that blatantly promote sexual immorality and call that a "ministry" as being inherently hypocritical and sinful?

Is that somehow not the case?

Just quoting the Bible doesn't make it a "biblical argument"... Matthew 7:5 assumes that one WILL judge:

"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye"

So FIRST you take the plank out of your own eye, and THEN you take the speck out of your brother's eye.

When it comes to making pop music promoting sexual immorality, do I have a plank in my eye?

Do I sin (for a living) and then somehow try to redeem it by calling it a "ministry"?

I'm not exactly sure what my plank is, so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to remove. Please help me on this one, and I'd be glad to reduce my apparently obvious hypocrisy.

In the meantime, can I recommend "Protestant Biblical Interpretation" by Bernard Ramm, or "Basic Bible Interpretation" by Roy B. Zuck, or "How to read the Bible for all it's worth" by Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart. Learning some basic rules of scriptural interpretation will help with properly understanding and applying scripture. It's the most valuable skill one can have.

God bless Jonathan.

12:24 PM


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