Why I'm never wanting to be in a Medeival Rap Video...

I am not chivalrous, nor do I ever try to be.

That's right ladies. I said it.

HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Now, before I get beaten to death, I probably should explain why I have a distaste for the word "chivalry".

Craver recently put up something about Chivalry, and I agree with him.

Men should treat every woman like a princess, or a beloved mother, or a favorite sister. Men should open doors, initiate the "DTR" ("Define the Relationship" talk), offer their arms on ice, defend any woman in peril, let women sneak into grocery lines, offer to carry them women over large puddles (unless they have a jacket to lay down), protect, serve, and in all questions of conduct, do whatever they can to let them know that they are precious. So Craver is right, and I wholeheartedly agree. Anyone who doubts me has never met my mother. (I know the proper way to kiss a maiden's hand...WRITE THIS DOWN FELLAS: You grasp the hand with your thumb on top, and then kiss your thumb, not the maiden's hand. Only a classless boor would lay his filthy lips on the fair hand of a beautiful maiden, probably getting dirt and grime on her gloves! Sheesh!)

So best recognize that I definitely am in the "lift up the ladies" club...

...but that's NOT chivalry. No ma'am.

When we think of chivalry, we think of "social conduct" and such; ways of treating a maiden. Unfourtunately, that's what Chivalry became, but not even remotely close to what it originally was. The following can be found here:

"Chivalry" comes from the French word for "knight" (chevalier), and was the professional soldier of the time (around the time of the crusades, and even earlier). "Chivalry" was the code of conduct of the professional cavalry soldier, and it had nothing to do with the ladies.

Medieval knights fought on behalf of the church and God, and were even granted special privledges such as the remission of all penances, dispensation from the jurisdiction of the secular courts, and as a means of defraying the expenses of the journey to the Holy Land, knights were granted the tenth of all the church revenues.

After the era of the crusades, knighthood reached it's highest and most noble time. Being a knight was similar to being in a monastic order, and "Chivalry" was seen as a fusion of the religious and military; the ideal "man'. Chivalry was still about the maxims of honour and courtesy, but the term encapsulated the idea of ideal "knighthood".

After the Crusades chivalry gradually lost its religious aspect. Around this time, "Chivalry" became the peculiar worship of knighthood. Love, neither God or the Church, became the mainspring of chivalry. As a consequence there arose a new type of Chevalier, vowed to the service of some noble lady, who could even be another man's wife. This idol of his heart was to be worshipped at a distance. Unfortunately, notwithstanding the obligations imposed upon the knightly lover, these extravagant fancies often led to lamentable results.

This is the period of chivalry that we associate with the word "Chivalry". In the third age of Chevalier, we see the romantic knight who fights on behalf of the noblewoman with a sword in one hand, a rose in the other and poetry spouting from his mouth whilst he rides an unspotted white horse across a field of daisies. Unfortunately, this concept of "Chivalry = code of conduct on how to swoon the ladies fans" is essentially the medieval version of being a "playa".

"Chivalry" became a code of conduct for "scoring with the chicks". That's where all the romantic, mushy, excessive etiquette stuff comes from. Knights didn't open the doors for the ladies out of anything short a desire to impress the ladies (not that any knight would open a door...that's what servants are for! DUH!) and thereby get "all up ins". In another word, Chivalry was a drawn out medieval equivalent of "candy is dandy but liquor is quicker"...just with a few dozen more rules (and less rhyming..again my fascination with rap comes out).

I don't want to use "etiquette" as a tool to weasel my way into a fair maidens arms, heart, or God forbid, bed. I don't want to allure women with romanticism or my inner "warrior poet". I definitely don't want married women getting swooned by my immaculate table manners, my ability to spontaneously spout obscure poetry in perfect pentameter (i.e. freestyle rap), my ability to play their favorite song on any of 47 instruments or my ability to save them from a flat tire without ever messing my hair. (and I cannot do any of those things...lol)

Feel free to call me what you will, but PLEASE don't call me Chivalrous. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Theologian.