So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Speculations of Strangeness upon Certain Suspicions...

Based upon a previous post, I've started to reflect and speculate. "Anonymous" said that she (I know who you are...HA!) could " away facelessly into the night" and I speculated that such an action would prove dangerous. Then, I got to thinking. What would life be like if one did not have a face?

Well, the face is made up of several key parts. There's the mouth, the eyes, the nose, the eyebrows and possibly the cheeks. I'm guessing that the faceless would still have ears, hair and somewhat of a forehead, so I'll assume that the mouth, the eyes, the nose, the eyebrows and possibly the cheeks are all that is missing.

Without a mouth one could not eat so one would have to get nutrition from other sources. Also, one could not speak, breathe or smile. One would essentially be a photosynthesizing dead Amish mute.

Without a nose, one could not smell, breathe, sneeze or lay the nose Flute. Also, you could not wear sunglasses so you could never be cool. Beyond that, all that mucus in the sinus cavities would either go into the chest or leak out the ears. Well, that's the reality of it. You're not a doctor so you cannot disagree with me. So there. Shut up. Anyway, you'd be essentially be the geeky allergy ridden kid in the chess club but instead of sneezing out the front, you'd sneeze out the sides in stereo.

Without eyes, you'd be blind and unable to wink. You'd run around aimlessly without knowing where you're going. So you'd essentially be a German Tourist. (I was in a wedding last week and some German Tourists made fun of me and my wedding party because the guys were in kilts. Well, BEHOLD MY REVENGE. Stinking German Tourists. In case anyone is wondering why I'm baching German Tourists, instead of those aweful Dutch ones, which are just as bad.)

Without eyebrows, one would look like a chemo patient or someone who's played around with a bush fire/bunsen burner and scorched off their eyebrows. So, you'd be a mad scientist or a redneck.

So life without a face would be a combination of being a photosynthesizing dead Amish mute, the geeky allergy ridden kid in the chess club, a German Tourist and a mad scientist or a redneck. What would one get if one adds all these components up?

Mute amish zombie + geeky German redneck = Marco Hietala (The bass player for the Finnish band Nightwish). He definitely looks like a zombie and is certain a Finnish redneck, which is pretty close to Germany. Cosmically speaking...So now we know what life would be like without a face. You'd be playing bass in a Finnish Rock band.

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Theologian


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