So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Bill and Ted's Ecclesial Adventure...

Okay. Due to some craziness that can be only described as "God's sovereign hand", I'm running on around 1 hour of sleep today. It's not that I stayed up or anything...I went to bed last night and had the worst insomnia I've ever had. I lay in bed, wide awake, for like 6 hours before I finally dozed off. I don't know what was up with that, and I think I'm going to take my body in for warranty repair. None the less, as Cheryl Dyck would say, my "booze gland" is in full effect.

I had historical theology today and as we were talking about the Cappadocian Fathers, I all of a sudden had a thought starting to form in my mind. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure would have been tres cooler if the would have gone to a Christian school and done a project on "champions of the faith". Then, once class was done and I was trying to work on my homiletics stuff, that thought turned into a full blown day dream...

Bill: This dude is Athanasius! We was a gnarly little dude who was known as the "Black Dwarf" by his haters, he was like the big Kahuna in Alexandria for like 45 years, dude!

Ted: Totally! Listen up San Dimas! Athanasius was like totally the Sammy Hagar of the early church, grabbing the mic from a monster celebrity and then fully going solo and cutting some killer tracks!

Bill: His most bodacious album was Against the Arians, which is sorta like an ancient version of Rage Against the Machine's debut albumn; totally taking the ideas of his day and punching it in the face!

Ted: That is most certainly an exquisite comparison Bill!

Bill: Thanks Ted! He wrote Against the Arians to tackle the heresies of a most heineous heretic, Arius, who like Brian McLaren presented a most monumental threat to the church!

Ted: Arius totally belonged to the ancient Watchtower and Tract Society, and taught that Jesus was like fully a created being and not actually God; a most bogus heresy!

Bill: But Athanasius was most triumphant in condeming Arianusm at the Council of Nicea in 325 AD!

Bill and Ted: EXCELLENT! (insert air guitar lick)


and so on and so on...

I need some sleep. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Theologian


Blogger Jennifer said...

I love it!! Ha-ha ! Of course, it may have something to do with the fact that I'm just infatuated with Athanasius....but hey, the story was great too. :) And that on no sleep. Impressive.

But you need to go have some quality bonding time with the back of your eyelids...

Catch ya on the flip side.

4:14 PM

Blogger Andrew L said...

If a movie producer ever wanted to do a remake of Bill and Ted featuring them in Bible School, you would be grossly overqualified to write the script.

7:54 PM

Blogger michael lewis said...

You spelled très incorrectly, and you misused it; très is equivalent to very. A better choice, in the context you used, would have been beaucoup or trop, much and too much, respectively. But that's only due to the suffix ~er on cool. Therefore, très would have been appropriate when placed with cool only, instead of cooler.

From Wikipedia's Insomnia article:

"Insomnia is a common side-effect of some medications, and it can also be caused by stress, emotional upheaval, physical or mental illness, dietary allergy and poor sleep hygiene. Insomnia is a major symptom of mania in people with bipolar disorder, and it can also be a sign of hyper-thyroidism, depression, or other ailments with stimulating effects."

9:55 PM

Blogger Lonely Voices said...

hey lyndon, this is jesse wiebe from forest grove. we're coming through your area sometime soon... you can email me at

10:56 PM

Blogger Dusto said...

That might be the coolest thing I have ever read in my life!

12:36 AM

Blogger UKSteve said...

That is non-non-non-heinous!

1:56 AM

Blogger The Armchair Theologian said...

Woah. It's been over a decade since I did my French...but that's no excuse. Thanks for the clarification.

And Lilly, I'm hoping that someone makes a movie of that! That would be so hilarious!

Maybe it's total irony, but right now I'm listening to a song that I just saw was called "Legion of Stupid", by Machinae Supremacy. Hilarious!

2:17 PM

Blogger Andrew L said...

You know, "Bill and Ted's Ecclesial Adventure" wouldn't even be that far fetched. Remember how their dad's were always threatening to send them to military school? Maybe they found a compromise and sent them to Bible School instead. The movie would be set between the two existing Bill and Ted movies (i.e., after they graduate from highschool but before they become internationally renowned rockstars). And considering the number of kids who go to Bible School just because they don't know what to do with their lives and don't yet want to start working or going to university, Bill and Ted would fit right in.

The only problem would be actors. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter would be far too old to play teenagers, and it just wouldn't be the same with other actors. Too bad no one thought of this about fifteen years ago.

12:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What! No Rufus?!

9:55 AM

Blogger gentleexit said...

No contemporary called Athanasius "the black dwarf". The label only became his in 1984. I've chronicled the mistake here:

10:14 PM


Post a Comment

<< Home