So Nimm Denn Meine Hande...

Friday, October 06, 2006

Important words one needs to know...

Well, those of you that know me know that I sometimes make up words when I cannot think of the "right" word to say...and that's not always a good thing. Either way, here's some good terms I've recently (or not so recently) started using that you may enjoy stealing:

1. Calvangelism: "The idea that the 5 points of your own understanding of Calvanism (which most likely has little or nothing to do with the positions of John Calvin) is the gospel and anyone who isn't a 5.0000 pointer is reprobate and most likely in a small group lead by Shelby Spong."

2. Freedamentalism: "The concept that the fundamentals of the faith were catalogued in 1910 but not actually published until 1989 where they appeared in a work entitled Absolutely Free."

3. Evangellyfish: "The Christian who apparently believes plenty but takes a stand on absolutely nothing unless someone else is making a stink about it and has written a book about it that can be purchased inconspicuously at Costco and doesn't offend any ordained lesbians."

4. Glistening Prayer: "The concept that one can actually hear the voice of God, possibly audibly, but definitely through vision, impression, circumstances, chance, sheer whim or anything else that requires 'being conscious', if one prays until one breaks into a sweat and makes God an ultimatum to 'speak to me or else...'."

5. Sola Glossalalia: "The much forgotten reformational doctrine that somehow, speaking in tongues is necessary for salvation or any other secondary work of the finding a spouse or knowing which pair of jeans to buy."

6. Mono Cellutis: "The idea that ignorance about doctrine, church history or the Bible somehow makes one more spiritual. The less 'spiritual brain cells' one has, the more 'real' and 'humble' a person is. See Verus Potissimus."

7. Antihermeneutianism: "The strong opposition to the presence or practice of biblical hermeneutics, especially in the avenue of discovering actual propositional meaning in a biblical text that may be applied and even necessarily obeyed." (*gasp*)

8. Verus Potissimus: "A little known doctrine stating that the most important virtue to all is to be 'real'...i.e. wear personal and moral flaws like a badge of honor and doing everything possible to make all people feel like they're more mature and biblically literate than you." (even though you're supposed to be the pastor with the 3 graduate degrees) See Mono Cellutis"

9. SuperSoCalSeministicJohnMacExegesis: "The phenomenon of thinking that any debate, over anything from theology to tennis to tournament bass fishing, is settled if one simply quotes a sermon/book/blog article/conversation of John MacArthur."

10. SuperSoCalNeuralPitstickJohnMacEisegesis: "The closely related phenomenon of thinking that any idiotic idea whatsoever can be spoken ex cathedra by finding it, regardless of context, in a sermon/book/blog article/conversation of John MacArthur." (Even though you're unknowingly quoting John Arnott...)

Now you'll all know what I'm talking about next time I say this stuff! Hooray! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Theologian


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